I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
