the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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