My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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