They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
