We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
