Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please come you make the beer taste better
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Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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