it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
