I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
