Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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