Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
