Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
