My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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