u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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