I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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