i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
