Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
