you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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