there's paper in my vomit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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