Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
