Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
