i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
