Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
