he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize