Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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