Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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