i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
