it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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