i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
