her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
