My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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