her vagine was all disorganized.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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