This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
