these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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