I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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