Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
