He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
