so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
