Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
