Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
