is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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