i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
