just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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