my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
