Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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