i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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