I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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