she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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