i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
