You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
