She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone shit on the floor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
