Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am naked and annoyed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.