I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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