is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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