im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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