That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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