Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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  (678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of
  Replies (13) Good night (984) Bad night (3353)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

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  (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y
  Replies (83) Good night (9889) Bad night (884)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away

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  (732): i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away http://tfl.nu/d57a
  Replies (40) Good night (4809) Bad night (3179)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

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  (336): I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On." http://tfl.nu/jjrw
  Replies (26) Good night (4251) Bad night (1121)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

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  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8710) Bad night (1228)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

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  (401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C http://tfl.nu/zt1d
  Replies (12) Good night (3938) Bad night (1049)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing

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  (208): know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing http://tfl.nu/j7xf
  Replies (26) Good night (5755) Bad night (1607)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.

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  (816): I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted. http://tfl.nu/62u0
  Replies (2) Good night (3969) Bad night (760)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.

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  (305): I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/47xz
  Replies (8) Good night (1581) Bad night (2093)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.

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  (541): I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night. http://tfl.nu/6kn4
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (901)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You pretty much isn't said it

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Those words don't go together.

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  (954): You pretty much isn't said it (404): Those words don't go together. http://tfl.nu/8gl1
  Replies (7) Good night (2368) Bad night (767)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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  (530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn
  Replies (6) Good night (1912) Bad night (639)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head

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  (613): All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head http://tfl.nu/1jjy
  Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (349)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.

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  (701): You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole. http://tfl.nu/p45w
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (629)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on

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  (315): Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on http://tfl.nu/taed
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (337)

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