the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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