Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
