I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
