You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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