I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
