I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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