Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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