So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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