somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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