you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
