not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm at about main and main street
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
