She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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