HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
