Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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