Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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