There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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