need another drink. this is the easiest way
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
