batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
