My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
