I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
