I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
