im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
