Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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